When did I get this old...aka, the Parenting Project

Wearing heels keeps us eye to eye,
at least for a little longer!

My son starts high school this week...when did I get this old?  It first hit me like a brick wall when we were touring the school last week following his schedule and finding his locker.  This was the high school I attended...yet, it was not the same high school at all.

Of course, it has been a LONG time since I was in high school, so I would expect a few updates. A few is an understatement.  But walking down the halls of the "old" building--very few changes--brought back some incredible memories.  And yet...I caught myself censoring what I could share with my 14 year old...would I give him ideas of things he shouldn't do? Would I give away secrets to my past, many of which were funny to me, but may not appear very "mom-ish."  Should I share the story of climbing the school wall to the roof so we could access the courtyard for our senior prank...and how the boys all decorated the courtyard trees with their underwear? 

Nah...too much information...but this simple fact made me feel very "old."  When did I get this old? And when will he be old enough for me to share these stories that made my high school days memorable? Is that ever appropriate? Appropriate...exactly. 

I am constantly amazed at what today's 14 year olds (and all high school kids) do to occupy themselves.  In retrospect, it makes me feel old to simply look at the nonchalant driving, the casual language, and the choice of clothing this age group chooses and wonder "why?"   I believe that in our day we probably weren't that far off from what today's teens are doing.  Of course, I think we were nicer...but I fully admit that is because I am a mom of boys...and I am amazed at how mean girls can be...because I just am confident that my friends and I were never like this (again, fully admitting that this view could contain a little bias).  So why can't I relax about it all? 

Because...I am a mom.  It is what moms do. Moms can try as hard as they want to relax about their kids, but in the end, they are still moms and it is part of our "mom-chemistry" to worry about out kids.  The extent to which we worry, and the extent to which we allow our kids to grow up is what we CAN control...and that is where I need to focus my energy.  In the end, we spend the first 14 years of their lives molding them into the responsible people they are today, hoping we taught them enough tact, grace, confidence and humility so that they will make the right choices along their journey.  Do we have enough confidence in ourselves and our work in the parenting project? 

I believe the Parenting Project has three primary components: Communication, Knowledge, and Instinct. 

Communication must be two-ways, and I've learned from my 14 year old that peppering him with questions is NOT the road to communication.  While he used to tell me everything going on in his life, today he is more guarded. That is perfectly natural at this age.  Consider opportunities to have conversations--in the car has always allowed for more to be said, I believe simply because I am not looking him in the eye.  He knows I am focusing on driving--the road--so he tends to open up more. AND...he doesn't realize what a good multi-tasker I am! I also have learned not to judge what he tells me. Sometimes it is difficult NOT to react, but I do try to listen first and only comment if it is absolutely necessary.  This is his time...and he needs to feel like he can share without me jumping to conclusions.

Knowledge...ahh...while I often feel ignorance is bliss, when it comes to my son I feel knowledge is power!  I make a point of knowing who his friends are. This will likely become more of a challenge as high school begins, but knowing who your child hangs out with is critical.  Cultivating a system where I need to know who he will be with and where has worked well so far. When they don't drive, it is easier. This will become more difficult next year.

Instincts...we all have them, and we need to learn to trust our instincts. But like all things, dealing with teens must be tempered with reason.  I say trust your instincts, so long as your instincts are based in fact and what you know.  If it doesn't sound right, it probably isn't.

As a mom of a brand-new high school student...I know nothing.  But I am confident that if I follow the three components of my self-proclaimed "parenting project", I should be on the right path.  Let's see how I feel a few months down the road!