How Does a Momma Bear let go?

I've recently realized that it is time for me to shift out of my "momma bear" mode for my oldest son. It's not something I am all that comfortable with, but it needs to happen.  How do you do this?

It is purely instinctual.  For years I have simply become a momma bear when one of my boys is suddenly in danger, is hurt, or is simply feeling sad.  At times I was able to control this instinct--learning that the sports my boys played (primarily hockey and football) required that I "leash" my momma-bear instincts and NOT run onto the field when one of my boys are hurt. "Football mom rules" is what we'd call it...and it was never easy to sit back and just watch my oldest son lay on the field. Luckily, it only happened once--and I was thankful to have the patience to watch the coaches help him off the field and wait 2 minutes before I meandered my way to his side.  Hockey? Well, I don't mince words...I say what I feel and sometimes it just cuts to the core.  My leash comes off at the rink--probably because I couldn't run onto the ice if I wanted to.  I'm not always proud of this fact...but I acknowledge it.

In the world of friendships, it's been harder.

The past five months have included a few incidents where each of my boys has learned who his friends really are.  And unfortunately, it has not always been those who they have known the longest, spent the most time with, and truly believed were their best of friends.  At first, I was shocked--these were also boys who I thought I knew well--boys whose parents I was good friends with.  But when simple negative experiences repeat themselves a few times...well, a mom just hates to see her boys feeling disappointed and learning what life is all about. 

So I wonder...how do you begin to let go and still help your teen learn from each of these experiences? I truly believe that there are things in life they must learn on their own to grow. That fact doesn't make watching the disappointment any easier.  My oldest recently explained to me, "I just thought these were my friends--I didn't think they were like that," and I knew he had "gotten the lesson," I still struggled with my response.  Biting my tongue, I just sat with him. And it was tough to just sit.

So as high school is about to begin for my oldest, I am now looking for the patience to gracefully sit back and just watch...I can only imagine it will be difficult. I know that surrounding yourself with good friends is an important part of the transition--and at least I know he has now recognized who these people are...and are not.  Sorry, the momma-bear in me made me say that...but it is true!  Fierce to the end, grrrr....