Where did my son go?

I know he is here somewhere...but where?

There have been a few signs...but I noticed it the most at dinner last night.  Sure, he was sitting in the same seat at the dinner table that he always uses; he stands a bit taller than me these days; his body is becoming a bit more muscular as he's been working out more...but something is much different.

While my husband and I were talking with the boys about our upcoming vacation, we shared some of the things that we'd be doing.  That is when I really noticed...this man-child next to me is not my son.  I saw it in his eyes...those eyes that stared just a little bit longer at us, as if saying, "you have GOT to be kidding me."  And his eyes move much more than MY boy's...they roll back with just about every statement I make!  And then my husband got a very serious, "Dad, you are trying to run my life...I want to run my own life," to which my husband calmly replied, "where have you been...of course I am trying to run your life. I am your father and it's what I've been doing for 14 years."  The eyes rolled.

Some of the other indicators that this is NOT my son include the silence...I ask a question, I get silence. It's not that he's distracted with something, he just doesn't feel the need to answer...or perhaps his IPod ear buds are strategically placed.  I think that sometimes he doesn't even have his IPod on!  Finally, one of the last straws in this situation that has me asking, "where is my son?" deals with the texting. I used to be able to ask, "who are you texting?" He'd always answer with one friend's name or another. Now...silence. After asking several times, "a girl" is all I get. Never a name.  Just a "you don't know her."

I guess it's official...while he became a teen over a year and a half ago, 14 and 8th grade have really nailed the status to the wall.  "He's just a teenager", my husband tells me.  Am I ready for this? I've asked myself this question several times over this past year...am I ready for him to be done with youth football and begin playing against high school kids...some of which are much bigger than him? Am I ready for him to be done attending the school where I can still bring him a lunch or wander the halls with him and not have him want to walk 3 feet in front or behind me? Am I ready for him to emerge from his shell and become the young adult that he needs to become?

Oohh...it's not about 'where is my son' anymore...it's about where am I?  Wasn't it just yesterday that I was on my honeymoon, relaxing in the warm sand of a Jamaican beach?  Wasn't it just yesterday that I laughed at how funny my little baby boys were?  Wasn't it just yesterday that I watched my oldest step on the school bus for the first time?  Nope...not yesterday.  Too many yesterday's ago...and so I must move forward and accept that gravity has taken a hold of my body and that my boys are currently challenging gravity as they grow upward and onward!  And this fact frightens me!  But I am slowly accepting this new role and waiting, allbeit nervously, for the new challenges that are to come!