Essential Friendships

I have often been amazed by my friends.  I believe I am truly blessed by the people who continue to be in my life and share a variety of my interests.  So recently I read an article from Prevention Online regarding the Essential Friendships that Women Should Have--specifically, "8 Friends Every Woman Needs."
The article quotes Joan Borysenko, PhD, author of Inner Peace for Busy Women. “When women get stressed, our instinct is often to find a friend and talk things through."  “Both touch and talk release the hormone oxytocin, which has a profoundly calming effect on your mind and body.”


I am a busy woman--that is definitely true! So I went about reviewing whether I had these "8 Friends."  I was surprised.

1. A Childhood Friend...they say someone who knew you back when, often times from high school, who knows your family and how you were raised.  I am very fortunate to have several friends from this time of my life still a part of my life today.  We don't see each other as often, but we have found Facebook a way to stay in touch--if even just posting a quick "hey there, how are you?" on our walls.  My friends from grade school and high school have a saying, "We have the best friends in the whole world," and it is true. When one of us is in need, all of us have dropped everything to help as needed.  I know sometimes we don't often ask for that kind of help or support; however, when it is needed it is there.

2.  A New Friend...someone you meet new has no preconceived notions about you! Yeah! These can be friends you make at work--except for me. I've been working at the same place for over 22 years...these are long time friends for me! BUT...I have made some wonderful new friends through my boys' sports teams and these are definitely people that only know me now, as a mom and a photographer.  I do like that. Especially when some of these moms have shown me how to live happier by not allowing negative energy to overcome me!

3.  A Workout Friend...ok, here is where I lose. While I have had these in the past, the busy-ness of everyday life has taken over and I have resorted to my "basement workouts." Perhaps my workout friends are my husband and boys, who do often ask if I worked out today. I can see how it would be nice to have someone outside of my family to fill this role.

4.   A Spiritual Friend...I know I need this. This does not have to be religious, per se. I know this is what worked well for me in the past.  Unfortunately, personal experiences have taken me away from our church. This was always a place of solice and peace for me--and yet when I look back on what specific incident occurred that closed the door on this for me, I can no longer remember.  As a part of my spiritual life, I had both men and women who truly did help me balance.  I know I need this...

5.  A Younger Friend...I do have some of these in my work friends. We talk about family, their new babies, growing older. The beautiful thing about this is that these friends often to ask questions like, "how do you do this?" while I find myself asking similar questions of them.  I have friends who are almost a generation younger, and I appreciate their energy and youthful insight.  In fact are the friends that keep reminding me, "why not?"

6.  Your Partner's Friends...for women, this often refers to being friends with your husband's friends.  This is an interesting dynamic for us. I have a large circle of friends--they are distinct and many don't know one another. But, they each serve a distinct purpose in my life. My husband has a very small circle of friends. He value and confidence, and doesn't see that extending too far outward. He definitely has friends from "way back when", but not in the same way I do.  I am friends with his friends--not all, but one's that are important.

7.  Your Mom...I do not know what I would do without my mom.  I have friends who have lost their mom and I know they miss having her to bounce things off.  The reality is, when all else fails, I am blessed to still have my mom in my life.

8.  Yourself...whoa! This one surprised me!  If you’re like a lot of women, you’d drop everything to help a friend in need—but often don’t pay yourself the same respect.  Recently I realized that I had to stop saying I can't workout because I have to take my boys to whatever they have going on.  I had to carve out time for myself.  And, while I felt extreme guilt at first, I noticed my ok. They got where they needed to go and were not actually bothered when I wasn't there all the time.  It wasn't easy, but I finally got it.  The article provides a mantra that makes sense.."repeat the following mantra as a reminder: "I love and honor myself as I do the other important people in my life."  "To give yourself the TLC you deserve, write down seven things that make you feel happy and healthy (cooking dinner, talking to a friend, running, reading a book), and make sure you do at least one every day",  Prevention advisor Pamela Peeke, MD, MPH, an assistant clinical professor of medicine at the University of Maryland.


So I've got some work to do. How about you?