Coach's Wife vs. Player's Mom...What if You Are BOTH?!

The greatest challenge I face each fall is during tryouts for the fall team my husband coaches. This is also the team my son plays on--and to be honest, my husband never accepts the position to coach a team that my son does not belong on. We play travel hockey.

It may sound rather selfish...I am not trying out for any position, I am not picking kids for a team...why is this such a challenging time for ME ? During fall tryouts, this is when I learn the lesson of who are truly my friends, and who were simply my "friends for a season". Each year there may be a few players that do not make the team that my husband coaches. This is not a personality contest...this is travel hockey, typically at the AA division. Because of this, talent, determination, skill, and other traits that the coaches feel are necessary are the determining factors that go into the decision making process. And yet, each fall after the teams have been selected, I learn that there are some people who no longer wish to speak with me, who have rather negative things to say about my husband and his ability to spot talent, and won't even look my way.

As travel hockey parents, we "travel". We spend a great deal of time on the road with our team families, and getting to know one another and developing strong friendships is usually one of the great benefits of the program! And yet, I do feel that in many instances, the friendships I make are tentative one's. I never go into these friendships with this mindset, and perhaps this is why I am always so disappointed when the end result is usually the same by mid-September. In the end, all I want to say is, "I'm a mom with a player on this team--don't you see that?!" But all the other moms seem to see is, "she's the coach's wife".

I am happy to say (I think I am happy, we'll see) that this fall should be different. My husband has chosen NOT to coach a team this fall as his professional role will require much more travel and less flexibility for coaching. I am curious to see how the parents react when teams are chosen--whether players do or don't make a particular team--and who will remain my friends from last season...or will once again join the list of friends "for a season", who I regrettably am no longer close to.